He texted me the night before this day (Can I come over tomorrow morning). That means I get up extra early to shower, brush teeth, straighten up a little and put on a little foundation. 5:50 am I don’t want to do anything, but sleep. I know what is ahead. I want to pretend I didn’t reply to the text. I’m too “sprung” on him not to get up. He and I have done this morning escapade for months now. I’m bipolar on the whole “routine”, some days I rather be friends, others lovers, and most nothing.

When we first started this it was fun and exciting. I stay up late and wait for his call. Run out side in my shortest shorts, underneath I had a cute pair of underwear or panties, a pair that I picked especially out for the occasion. Those wear my weapons, even though I knew what was planned. I open his door, he lower the music, look at me with his hazel eyes. Those eyes are the reason I looked at him in that way.  He was a smooth talker, like the many boys I’ve seen before, but his eyes hypnotized me. Later, on something more would do the trick. We made small talk, honestly, I don’t remember any conversation. I couldn’t stop giggling, that’s all I remember.

We park and there was it, he kissed me. I can still feel my heart beating, and my body warming up. His hands grabbed my hair and my hands were paralyzed to my side. It wasn’t him making me weak, but I was in shock. I realized that I didn’t know him, and I was in a deep relationship. Why at that moment did so many thoughts go through my head? Guilt is what I see now. I let them out the window and kissed him back. His hands that once held my hair have fallen down and were pulling off my shorts. My seat was back and he was climbing on top of me.  The deed was done; he got off of me and started a conversation. My phone started to vibrate. It had to be two people, my father or my boyfriend. Looking at the caller ID, it was him.

I do a sleepy voice

“Hey”

“Hey are you asleep?”

“Yeah, I am.”

“Want me to let you go?”

“I’ll call you later, if I wake up.”

I have no intentions on calling him.

“Okay goodnight, I love you”

“Same...”

I end the call and my eyes drop to floor. How could I do this to someone I love. Then my thoughts switch, how could he do this to his friend? That is when reality finally came into place. Ricky and I wouldn’t be together forever, Manny didn’t care for me really. I was just relief to him. All in that one second my personality changed. My views on life, you could say I became colder, less of the nice girl I once was. I became a bitter. I look up at him and smile. In my mind, I wasn’t going to let him use me like that again, I wanted the upper hand. I knew that I wouldn’t ever get that. Instead, I would take everything out on Ricky. He would get the worst half of it and Manny he get nothing. That was the way I would treat him. Our small conversation would always end at a dead end. I get out sneak back into my room and lie in my bed.

That was the first time for us to be together. It was like our relationship was a tree. How typical, I know. The seed being planted was our texts back and forth to each other. It sprouts our “escapade” and every conversation our friendship tree grew. By winter we became very close friends, inside and outside the bedroom. I knew I could go to him about very much. The week before winter he was leaving to Mexico. I knew I was going to miss him, no contact for a month and so. He would be partying and I stuck at home. Then a text came from him, his family was in a car accident. My heart dropped, I asked if they were okay. He told me his mother didn’t make it, tears welt up in my eyes. I never met her and he never really spoke about her. Just I knew this was something that affected him.

That is when I knew what happened to me. I had feelings for him. Our tree was an apple tree.  My feelings were the apple that sprouted. He left me for Mexico and my feelings were there still, they didn’t fade any. He messages me every once in awhile on an email. Ricky and I were slowly fading away. Ricky was breaking promises, and it wouldn’t have angered me so much if I wasn’t trying to cover up for my past mistakes with him. I tell him it was over and he would say something, soon enough we were back together. Nothing lasted longer than a week or so. My feelings for Ricky had dropped months before that, something I couldn’t tell anyone. I kept him just for the money. I was a just a gold digger and a good one at that.

To be continued.

• He begged me for everything (not sex, but compassion)
• He often bought me flowers for the fact that they are romantic...after I told him I hated them.
• He would come to my house with Teddy Bears cutely placed on the passenger seat
• He "drove to the hospital" to see if I was okay (to me it was too creepy)
• After discussing with him how I wanted to go to Florida to get away from everything...he decided he could move his job over there, so we could still be together.
• I want to go in more detail; I told him how I wanted to be alone (towards the wonderful-freeing end of our relationship) I was going to go away to college to have the whole experience, actually I thought this was the only way to get from him. He was like, "ohhh yeah you know I can get transferred to work out there!" happy as can be. Crushing his dreams, "What is the point of me leaving?" I asked him, honestly and sincere. I don't remember the rest in much detail, because it was loud and tears went around (funny not any of mine, though)
• He drove my friends and me every where.
• On more then one occasion offered to buy me a camera
• I didn't accept this because I didn't want to show off what my lame-rich boyfriend that I didn't want to be with got me. Not because I was being humble, I was in fact a gold-digger.
• Paid for me to go any where/every where
• Woke up every morning to take me to school.
• Would give me 20 dollars out of his check so I had cash on me.
• would call me 24/7
• invited me to everything